Saturday, 20 August 2011

Bye Bye, Chuckie.

The day finally came.

My dog died. My dad was calling me home for dinner. I wanted to go straight to the dining place but he insisted for me to come home. Why? Because Chuckie had a bit of asthma. Chuckie's had that for a while so I asked Dad if he was alright and he said he was.

That was a lie.

When I came home, Chuckie was wrapped in a black bag. Lucian was outside jumping around. You know, the first few minutes it didn't hit me yet. And then I asked my maid to uncover the plastic bag, and that was that.

I felt better after crying. More mature now, maybe. Have experienced death of loved ones. I remembered the first time my rabbit died after I bought it two days due to diarrhea. I cried for 3 hours for that. My parents bought a pair, and the other one died exactly a month after I bought it. On my freakin' birthday. =.=

But if you asked if I'd rather not get pets and therefore not experience any deaths, WTF I'D SAY NO. Let me experience the pain and the joy rather than get nothing.

Life is boring when you're trying to stay safe, trying so hard to protect yourself from getting hurt. Because mortality is inevitable and things that are worthwhile never comes easy. And that the sour things in life makes the sweet taste sweeter. WTH I'm starting to sound like Confucius.

Enjoy what you had while it lasted, kay? :) Chuckie had a good, ripe and fruitful life. I will miss him of course, and no other pet will replace him. I don't think people who've never owned a proper pet would understand. The love for your pet.

I'll miss the times where I can pick him up and cuddle him and read. Petting and stroking him. Miss the time where I come home from school with Chuckie welcoming me, wagging tails and doing playbows. I'll miss being able to command him to give me a high-five and feeling proud when he did. A trademark trick I thought him, okay!

I felt foolish when I rushed to close the door after leaving it open because usually I would be afraid of Chuckie going out. Reflex. Gah. Sim Kuan came over for a while to comfort me. :)

So I didn't go for dinner. My whole family went except for me and the maid. Dad was being insensitive and asking me to get rid of it quick, because it would smell. NONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'd never throw it away. That was what Dad wanted. =.=

I buried it in the patch of grass at the car porch. So there. That made me felt better, that a part of Chuckie would always remain there. In this home. God, I don't feel like ever selling this home now. That spot is Chuckie's now. I'm gonna pat on the earth when I feel lonely.

Chuckie was always there to accompany me when my parents were out working late or whatever. Sigh. And I thought of how to export him to overseas when I want to study in Europe.

I hate crying. Dad taught me that. He despised it when I cried. When I was a child, I soon learned that crying gained me no sympathy, only dissaproval. At least from Dad. It was a nuisance, a liability, a source of annoyance. That became my thought too, when people cried. But of only when it's over trivial things! People are allowed to cry.

Dad bought some takeaway sushi for me to eat though. Hehe, my favourite food. :) Time for some retail therapy tomorrow, maybe? :(

I bought little Chuckie on 1 August 2005. :) He was born on June. Brought him back when he was 3 months old, a fluffy ball of puppy. LOLOL. Such cuteness. I played with it until it got pissed. So he died on 20 August 2011. A good seven years he had. <3

Please don't ask me about Chuckie at school. Or anywhere else. Especially not shit like, "Did your dog die?". Because then I would have to be sad again and reaffirm the fact that he's dead. Okay? Maybe except for Mei Yen, Sim Kuan and Xuan. Because they're my chummies and they have dogs. AHAHAH. As in people I actually confide to. And can imagine what it would be like to have their dog die.

It's also good that I didn't watch him die because I would moan and sulk and not believe it and be angry. But it's bad that I wasn't there for him during his last moments. Sigh.

Right now, I'm feeling alright. I didn't know I would be so calm. Maybe because I've anticipated it at the back of my head. But I think there will be moments where something will remind me of him, his absence being conspicuous.

I remembered someone asking me what was the most precious thing that I have. I said it was Chuckie. It's not the most expensive thing I had, but it was the most precious thing I had.

It's not to say that Chuckie's gone now. The memories will always live on.

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