Monday, 18 March 2013

high maintenance

How to be high-maintenance
(no proceedo if you no materialistico)

To be high-maintenance is to look good at any cost, making it your priority.
You set a high standard for yourself, eventhough you are no one important.
But it’s alright. Once you look important, everyone THINKS you are important.

That is the secret, and this is why people still become high-maintenance 
despite having to sacrifice a lot of time and energy. 
And of course money.

Part of being high-maintenance is to do a lot of shit on yourself but make it look effortless. 
Like you didn’t do anything, or better- someone did it for you.

Today I will cover the looks and style part, because that is what I know. 
And maybe a little on the social part.

Some of the great role models for being high-maintenance are 
Paris Hilton, Elizabeth Taylor, Beyonce and Angelina Jolie. 
And of course Victoria Beckham, as well as many other movie stars and giant stars.

Of course the art of being high-maintenance to hire everyone to do the work for you,
 but you need to be important in order for that. 
Fret not, it’s a paradox but you can always start by DIY!

 Always have flawless skin, choose either very fair or very tan.
When you have chosen, adjust your sun exposure accordingly.

Generally Asians, Brunettes and Redheads look better fair
while Blondes and Latinos look great tanned

As for hair, it should always be properly styled. Even if it is flat, it has to be shiny and sleek. The best way is of course to have a big hair that doubles as a hat, giving you shade and added illusion of height.
Always keep your nails groomed- pedi and mani-ed. If you do not want varnish, apply a top coat instead. If you do want to do without top coat (you sure? L) BUFF your nails so it will look shiny, at least.

There are a lot of manicure trends like magnetic varnish, caviar nails, marble effects, piercings and so much more. If you think spending a few hundred on manicure is too cheap, why not drop USD 10k on 24 gold carat nail polish or black diamonds? Or also, you can use that money to feed a kid from Africa for 27 years.

Recently, Kelly Osbourne revealed she wore USD 200k nail polish to an Emmy awards night. 
Go figure.

As for make up, always make sure you nail the eye make up. Eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara- the whole shebang. Also add falsies because only poor people don’t have lashes. Other than that, contour the shit out of your face so people won’t think you didn’t have enough money to get a plastic job (like who needs it right?)

Make sure you have eyebrows as well, natural and beautiful eyebrows are hard to achieve and it takes time to discover, but with will everything will come your way. Look at Kim K with sparse eyebrows and the full and well arched pairs she has now, such an added sense of authority magically bestowed upon her by simple eyebrows. 

Another very important thing is also to always, always wear heels. Slippers will make it hard to look good, while heels make it hard to look bad.

Wear four inches at least, maybe a three and a half when you are running errands. Four point five is the new two, and it certainly feels like it with platforms. Six inches are for parties, and you should always debut them. Anything lower than three and a half, please throw them away. Trust me- you’ll never wear them. Once you are high-maintenance, they are not high enough for you.

A good pair of heels is like a drug, and transports an outfit from blah to ta-dah. Never wear rubber slippers because only commoners wears that. Some great and legendary shoe designers are:- Christian Louboutin, Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, YSL, Giuseppe Zanotti, Charlotte Olympia, Nicholas Kirkwood. Each have their own trademark shoes with flagship names, so distinctive that no one will mistake you drop more than most of the population’s monthly paycheck on something to step on the group.

Next, only carry designer handbags because no one cares about bags from Topshop or Coach or whatever (hehehe who am I kidding I care). Inflation is going crazy in Malaysia, RM8000 seems to be the new benchmark for RM2000. As in few years back you could get something at 2k to match the quality of today’s 8k. Of course, that is bullshit. But everyone is just lapping it.

However, exaggeration aside- RM2000 is a decent entry-level bag price (LV speedy case in point), RM5000 a mid range bag price (although it is Chanel’s entry entry price point), RM5k-10k is pretty good (as in salesperson will finally take notice), and more than RM10k means people will clamour to serve you. And then go up to RM100k, where the legendary Birkins stay, and BOUTIQUES clamour you, not just salespersons itself.

Next, once you’ve nailed heels and bags, you’re up into jewellery. Now I have to say that Malaysians don’t really splurge much on jewellery. If you need an idea of how to wear them, please look up on the Oscars and such. And by jewellery those ten bucks bazaar accessories don’t count. They are fun to have but disposable with no lifetime value, only a shelf life of at most two months. Jewellery however, are family heirloom pieces.

That means diamonds, diamonds, diamonds. Gold and platinium. Sapphires, rubies, and emeralds. Pearls. Chopard, Tiffany & Co, Cartier, Bvlgari, Harry Winston, Van Cleef & Arpels. Go for it.

Well I am getting tired of explaining everything, but basically if you want to look richer than 99% of the population, just save save save and throw your money on these few things:

Christian Louboutin pumps, in black. Subtle but the red soles always make a striking note.
A Birkin. Yes, A. You don’t need too many.
A rolex.
A huge engagement ring. (three and a half carats and up)

Fork out half a million for those and you will have a chunk left over for over things. How nice. And RM500k, not USD, sooo worth it right! So today, start saving RM500k so you can spend RM150k on a Birkin, RM100k on a diamond encrusted automatic watch with a huge reserve, RM200k or more on a diamond ring.

However, do take note that if you have one million and spend half of it on such things you might end up having to sell them…. Away. So I suggest you spend the RM500k and invest and work your ass off until you have RM10mill, and then you don’t just look rich, but actually ARE rich!

Lemme tell you that most of the people who LOOK rich are actually the poorest because they spent ALL their money to LOOK rich. Those who are rich, are the ones who don’t give a shit about all these crap and put their money into investments.

Remember that shopping eats your money and never returns it. Investing, however, is like planting money and letting it grow.

Call 1800-INVEST-NOW for more info.

Thank you.

PS: Please do not take me seriously. It got me thinking today while I was at the mall, about being high-maintenance. Hehe

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