Thursday, 24 October 2013

Finding God again.

A lot of things happened recently.

I guess this would mark a pivotal point of my life, sort of like... a breakthrough.

After destruction is rebuilding. Yes, I was destroyed. Inside out.
Mentally, spritually, emotionally, physically.

I gained weight.
I felt heavy physically and emotionally.
Spiritually, I was lost. I strayed from God.
Emotionally, I was scattered and without my own will.
Could NOT lift a finger to pick up a pen to do my homework.
It was that bad.

When you stray from God? Nothing good happens.
Because on Earth, you either serve the Devil or Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

The devil know our name but calls you by your sin.
Jesus knows our sins but calls us by our name.

Jesus is our shepherd. The devil is a thief. He enters through the backdoor. Cowardly.
Sin fascinates, then assasinates. That's the skill of seduction.

And love? Love doesn't need seduction. It's just two minds alike clicking with each other.
Patient, trusting, loving.

I do say, for my future boyfriend.
I will bring him to the Lord first, to the church first.
Then I will bring him to my Father.

If, one of them do not agree, then I can't and won't date you.
I only want to date the man, the soulmate sent from Heaven.

If not? If he's not your soul mate, he'll be your soul tie.

Wait. Let me stop here.

Let me say, then in that relationship. It's not like everything was so bad.
There were some really sweet moment, BUT. BUT.
He is not the guy sent for me, I'm not fated to be with him like this.
The wrong relationship ends up in soul tie, as a result of fornication.
YES. Sex before marriage.

It is a cardinal sin. Anyone who does not obey the law is a criminal,
but know that our Lord is a merciful but rightful judge.

The Antichrist is swelling, which is what was prophesized- the World will become
really tainted, a lot of people will follow Satan.
Then judgement day, Armageddon, will befall.
Anyone with the mark is not saved.

To be saved, just ask for the Lord.
Confess your sins. In Life I think meeting God is the most important thing, ever.
But we often forget that.

We are so,so, so, obsessed and in love with the World that we forgot,
we forgot we were made by God, made in his image.
How... despicable of us.


I just ask that you respect my religion.
I do not force you to believe in my God,
because only you can believe.

I can't make you believe. 
I can't. I can pray, but everything else is in God's hands.
If you are not ready, nothing can help.
If God sees you are ready, he will find you.
He's always there, just that sometimes we can't see.

Why? Because we don't even look.
How do we notice the skies when we are staring at the tree???
So step back and look at your life. Re-examine.

He only wants to be your landlord, not your tenant.
That's why, no one but you can invite him in.

Look, I never used to understand.
I used to be in the dark.

I was a born again Christian during 2006.
I know because that's the date of my first bible lol.
Anyway I only have two now :3 a big one and a small one
I bought recently to carry everywhere.

I think that's the most valuable thing ever.
To give someone a bible.
If my house was set on fire today,
all I'd want is to ask my family to get to safety.
Not forgetting Lucian and Cabbie.
And hopefully take the bible away from the fires. 

But money, handbags, burn to ashes all you want.
For I shall not covet the things of this World.
Especially the material things which hold our fixation so much.
Let loving and obeying God be your priority.
Everything else will fall into place.

Without God I was lost, I was never satisfied.
No matter how much water you poured into me, I still felt thirsty.
WHY? Because I was like a vase with no bottom.
I could not contain any water. 

Anything that is addiction-related.
Food, alcohol, smoking, gambling, sex, fighting.
Addiction are all things of the devil, to keep us sinning :)
So be wise. Stop it.

Stop it.

Next. If you have a lot of negative emotions like I did.
Find out the cause. For me, it was the relationship I was in.
Because, I was not happy with myself but I went into a relationship.
How then could I be happy with myself?

I do not blame my ex for what happened.
The sin, both of us were of the same.
I don't judge anyone. Only God can judge.
I can only forgive.
And hope too, that I be forgiven.

If I've offended in your past, big or small.
I just want to say sincerely, "I'm sorry".
Just sorry for not taking your feelings into account. :)
That's all.

----------------------------

Find God's love, before you love anything else.

Another thing. Think of the person you most hate.
Think about what they done.

Painful? Alright. Let me tell you, it hurts yes, but it was only meant to hurt for that moment.
So don't let that hurt carry on. Break the hurt, let it go. You don't need it.
Forgive that person. Forgive yourself. Say it.

When you don't hate, that's when you find love.
Light and darkness do not mix, you can't be a "neutral".

Say, light is white and darkness is black.
Earth could be a shade of grey, because it is between white and black,
but know that everyone on Earth always have to choose a side.

To be in the middle means you will be taken by Satan,
because you don't know Lord's word.
Because you don't know him, you wouldn't know how to keep his commandments.

The bible is hard to understand at first.
But. Have faith. Let the Holy Spirit come.
It takes time, trial, tribulations.
I went through a lot of pain to see the light after the tunnel.
Persevere. Eventhough I'd risen, some day I might fall again.
I just pray that when I do fall, I will pick myself up. 

Reap what you sow.
A lot of joy and peace comes in the way of following Jesus..
And the reward is far greater than anything, that is eternal life with God our father.

When I was in the dark, I did not like being in the light.
I did not want to be exposed. I still liked sinning.

It starts small, thoughts in your head then the actual act itself.
Know that the Devil can't seduce you more than what you are tempted.
He can only add branches to the root you have in you.
So ask for the Lord to prune you.

It is tough love. It hurts to be pruned.
But know that you'll come out of it BETTER.
And that's all you ever need to know.

That things will always go better when they're at the WORSE.
I met Satan, yes. I met his evil workers.

But after that. I can't describe it.
The grace of God that I found. 
I would go through it no matter how many more times,
to get to where I am now.

Because I've changed completely.
The old one still is a part of me, but it knows it has to change.
I don't intend on going back. 

It's a new chapter.
No clubs, no sunway Giza.
Church and God and bible and prayers are my priorities.
Caring for the people around me and showing love.
growing into a better person each day.

You know what. I was the sort of b**** who despised at people
who didn't know how to dress up, wanted to shout at the slightest thing gone wrong,
occasionally took God Almighty's name in vain (HOW DARE I!!! *SPANK)
swore, hated, bitched.

Now? now I find that I can't hate. Today the hairdresser really tested my patience lol.
During the time I waited for her I was like URRR restless.
Then after that when she came back to massage my hair and I could think straight again.
I thought. Hey, waiting longer is alright. Let the dye seep in longer. lol.

Okay.

Me, I know I have fear, lust and anger.
But, with God my Lord, I will overcome.

Sinners live to sin. It becomes their nature. It's hard to break free, but God will help.
They hate the idea of going to God, because they are yet ready to let go 
of the pleasures that come from sinning.

But let me tell you that after coming out of the other side,
may I tell you that the joy of serving God is greater than anything on Earth.
The fulfillment is amazing.

To lie is to steal.
To hate is to murder.
To lust is to commit adultery.

Also when you sin with someone, especially through fornication.
Soul ties are formed and spiritual bondage too.
So the demons can come. 

That was me.

The doors are closed now, FIRMLY.
At first it took a lot alot of FIGHTING.
I felt so broken. Broken to pieces, felt like I could not saved myself.
I feared everything. Going to the toilet, closing my eyes, being left alone in the dark.
I wanted to lay frozen on my bed. And wished there was people in my room for company.
I had a voice and a pair of ears but I could not speak, I could not listen.
That's what it's like being in the dark.

That is why I dedicate my life for the Light.
Because it was the Light who saved me.
Who took the burden for me.
And that, I fell into his mercy,
gracious, undeserving mercy.

Even after I knew I was saved and delivered, I still feared.
I was safe indeed but I fear, so the Devil lied.
When Uncle Vincent said that the Devil was trying to lie to me,
OH MY I TELL YOU. I reacted so bad. I screamed so, so, so bad.

After that. I kept praying and praying and praying.
Bit by bit to gain back the faith. 
FIGHT. Fall and stand up again.
FIGHT.

You don't win without fighting.
To give up is to be defeated. 
And I would never give up for the sake of my sanity.
The hallucinations in my mind were so real, they took over.

And then. Bit by bit, advises came from people who were into God.
He told me, NO. Don't focus on Satan, you give him power.
FOCUS ON GOD.


I meditated on Bible verses.
The devil and the God, everything in the Bible is true.
AND OF COURSE. Eventhough the devil exists, but so what????
IN the presence of God. He can't even stand his light.
He runs away. I know it :)

I defeated him, no. Christ defeated him for me.
Because I believed. 

I felt like dying. Yeah. So hard to escape.
But to die would mean Satan would win, NO.
I would never let him win. No matter how many times,
I will fight for God. I treasure my life. I treasure God.

God can take my life if he wishes.
But not Satan, he has no right.
He is a little ant, and God is the giant that is higher than the clouds,
wielding a hammer so huge it could contain an island.

So don't be afraid. God will always protect you :)
If you want to get out of Satan's grasp, God will be there.
If you are faithful, God is there.

Why? Because we belong to God. 
Because WE ARE HIS CHILDREN.
Anything else, is plain old lies. 

If you do not understand now, it is okay.
I was lost too but now find by the grace of the Lord.

My church also helped me, SO SO SO SOSO MUCH.
I am ever soo ooooooo grateful. They saved me in all ways possible.
Because God works wonders.

And because he has worked such wonders, I live to tell this story.
God is real, so so real.

One night I kept praying fervently, over and over. To drive out the fear.
To calm myself. It was like four in the morning I supposed.

And behold. I felt His glorious presence in my room.
Goosebumps all over, tingles all over. 
Kind of scared at first because you are not sure how to react,
but after I just wanted to fall in front of his grace. Something so amazing.
Amazing.

I could feel His light. I didn't see it.
The spiritual side of me felt it.
I was so grateful and in awe I cried.
They weren't of sadness, but of awe and amaze and joy.
He spoke to me a few things.

That he heard my prayers and my family will be in peace, that he promises.
That my Dad will be saved, and to have him stop smoking first.
Honestly, I do not deserve all this mercy.
Another one, was that Natalie would receive the gift of tongues
and that she prepares for it. 

I am not a Saint, I am nothing special.
Just that by the grace of Lord, I am still standing.
And I live to stand in awe of his wonderful works.

I am His servant.

You guys can laugh and sneer all you want,
but I'm not going to stop worshipping my God.

He works wonders!

Hallelujah. :)

And you all are children of God, so believe, so repent.



PS: If you have any questions, please ask. I will be more than GLAD to help.
Especially if it's about dating and sex, I know the danger it CAN bring
If  you aren't satisfied with you boy/girl relationship,
please, I beg of you. 

Ask yourself, is he/she really right for you or are you guys just staying for the sex,
the habit, the attachment?

The arguements the blames the anger? Do you feel positive more or negative more?

Not everyone is the same. What that hurt and break me might not be the same for another person :)
But, if you feel like you and I are quite similar in terms of experience, ASK.

Only you... have the power to save yourself.
Once you ask for it, God and his people WILL HELP.





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