You peeps must've wondered where I went.
I went to Port Dickson! For my church camp.
I feel so sad that I've missed two youth camps =(
Lol can I go until I'm like 22. Hehe.
A lot of young faces. 11-16 years old.
Then I realized I was once in their shoes.
Shy and unsure, yet curious.
Now I'm nineteen, I've grown a lot.
Especially these past few months.
I'm just glad of whatever happened, good or bad.
The camp was for four days, but I went for three days!
Sunday I went to Port Dickson, followed Shu Yin's family home,
then went to sit for my exam, then followed Victor back to Port Dickson.
I feel sad I missed a day of camp.
Buttt everything happens for a reason.
Our speaker was Pastor Hock.
He has a Korean wife and a son
and a daughter on the way.
He met her while she was a missionary.
For this camp, I would say.
Prayer was the most powerful thing from this camp.
And seeing so many young people accept Christ.
I forgot how many. Eight?
I still remember on the second day they said not sure.
But then in the end they all said YES. Well, most la ^^
I'm very happy for them.
It's one of the most important point in their lives.
In mine too. It's like starting a journey.
And I did have something I was praying in my heart.
When Pastor Hock came, he told me that God is listening.
That made me smile :)
Indeed God is good.
Another time Pastor Wah Lok was asking us to write goals.
I wrote worship and playing piano/singing etc in the list.
Aunty Adelia prayed for me. She didn't see what I write,
and I don't think she could have because my writing is so ugly lolol.
But anyway, we prayed for each other.
And out of a sudden she prayed for me to play the piano.
Well, that's how the Holy Spirit works!
Brothers and sisters in Christ.
Another things Pastor Hock said was
sometimes I fear and don't let go of things.
lol. And there are some important decisions to be made
in these few weeks. Have to look to God for guidance.
He says I look for others to counsel me but
get more confused in the end. lol.
Another really touching one was it was prayer time.
As in asking people to close their eyes and step out to be prayed for.
I was closing my eyes and Pastor Hock came.
And he said I don't know about your family background, but Jesus
adopts you as His daughter. That made me tear.
And a lot of people were crying in that room too.
I think all of us did. Not necessarily because we are sad,
but because we are touched by the Holy Spirit.
Some people get really skeptical about things that we can't see.
Well, electricity is a power we can't see but can feel.
Ask anyone who go electrocuted before (if they're still alive).
Umm. I think I want a more simple life.
Less outings, less wild.
Spend more time in church, with God.
With family, with friends.
Church is really like a family to me.
It just happens naturally when you share the same faith.
and to know that you can turn to God, or any of God's children
when we are in trouble is really comforting.
Oh man. I do not want to stray again.
I guess that had to happen. Going wild.
It's like. Wanting to try a puffer fish,
then you try it and get food poisoning
and you never feel like trying it again.
Cured of the urge.
If you never tried, you would still be curious.
But. lol. Things work differently for people.
For me it's like that.
I don't feel rebellious anymore.
I feel silly even trying to go against my Dad,
because everything he has done has been for my own good. :)
Oh yeah. I also really wanna get a keyboard and mike.
HAHHAHA. So I can play in my room at night too.
Hmm. I'm glad to say in my life, most of the things I wanted
I could get. So thank you God for that!
Butttt those who are poor in materials are plenty rich in other things.
Sometimes the best things grow under the worse conditions.
Like diamonds, you know? Being under such huge pressure is what causes
carbon to turn into a diamond.
Sometimes people ask me what do we do at church.
Well. We sing, we worship God. We have fellowship with other believers.
We eat together. HAHAH. Somemore. Serve together.
Usherers, worshipers, teachers, administrators, etcetc.
We feel God's presence. We dedicate our time to him on the Sabbath.
I guess looking back the period where I stopped going to church,
17-19, I spent a lot of money and went out a lot.
At first it felt fun but I guess slowly it felt sort of empty.
Because God was missing from the equation.
And God is so real to me.
I see how he empowers other believers and feel the love he has
for all of us, including me, including you.
Natalie and Charmaine were really really shy, like they would keep quiet in a corner.
That's like five years ago I think. Now they're actually leaders.
Now they're actually the ones who speak out first.
I think it's normal to be shy when you are still young.
It's easy to feel intimidated by people who are older.
But that's okay!
Mmm. It's been two months now since I've gone back to church
and broke up.
Looking back, I do see how wrong my relationship was.
Anywayyy advice to all the girls and boys out there.
Don't tolerate when you feel like you have to compromise yourself
to accept someone else.
Break it up while it's still early.
But, if you've found someone patient and understanding then
absolutely do go with the flow.
To be honest, it took a one whole month before I could probably say
I wasn't AFRAID.
We all fear a lot of things.
For me, it was just when I was at night and/or alone.
I would see images and hear things.
But I know it's all in my mind, not in the tangible reality.
But then to me it was just as real.
Anyway, I learned that I should not be scared of evil things,
but evil things should be afraid of ME, because I have GOD.
And I have God in me. That is why they call your body
a temple of the holy spirit.
That is why they say don't shed your blood as in mutilating yourself.
Or make marks like tattoos. But if you have do have tattoos
of course you can still be a Christian.
If you've confessed your regret then you're forgiven.
OH yeah okay. Anyway.
My recovery wasn't a one time deal, instant and fast.
It took a month. After the first three days I think 70% of was done.
But actually I'm kind of glad I was afraid because it made
praying a habit. It made reading a bible a habit.
That's how much I need God.
And umm. Ever since that, I've gotten rid of my habit
of speaking bad words. I feel uncomfy hearing other people use it now actually,
which is pretty ironic right! But now I see things differently.
I also get angry less. But HAHAH. Road rage still got a bit.
Need to curb it because I always feel the need to hurry.
Hmm. Anywayyy. I feel like.
We are living a sort of make believe game.
We create currency, work for money, then get robbed of things
which are ironically much more valuable than money.
Like spending time with God. Like raising your children.
Like helping others. Like loving your family and others.
It just feels like we are living such empty lives, chasing things
that will perish and rust over time.
We brought nothing to this world, and we cannot take anything out from it.
That is true. Except our spirit, which is eternal.
Basically if you believe and accept Jesus then you would have eternal life.
If not then you would have eternal punishment, which is not pretty.
It means burning in hell and getting tortured endlessly.
You can't die in hell. Your body can rot and burn to ashes but it will still
regenerate. The torture is neverending.
There's no party in hell. It's like saying going to jail is fun.
People think they can get into heaven with good works, but the truth is.
The truth is, we can never be good ENOUGH. It is by grace we are saved.
Yes, you can do charity, donate money.
But I can ask each one of you if you've lied or stolen anything in your whole life,
and I bet 100% of you would say YES. Including myself.
I stole sweets from a kedai runcit before.
If you violate the law, you violate the law.
There is no lesser sin or what. Sinning is sinning.
It's like in Fast and Furious right, when one of them said,
it doesn't matter if the difference in a race is 0.001 second or 1 minute,
winning is winning.
In the same way, sinning is sinning.
But by the grace of God, Jesus died for our sins.
And if we believe that, it means we admit that Jesus has taken away our sins.
So Jesus is our bridge to God.
I think for me what makes me so 100% sure of my religion is,
I feel God's presence. And his presence is light, peace, kindness,
I mean when I was a buddhist and went to temples I felt nothing.
Not to sound insulting but that was for me personally.
It was just a ritual of placing joss sticks for me.
It didn't even felt like I was worshipping God.
Just that I was placing joss sticks.
Some people say they don't need God.
But that's a weird thing to say.
It's like house saying I don't need an architect.
It's like a puppy saying I don't need my mother.
It's like milk saying I don't need cows.
It's like grass saying I don't need sun.
THE POINT IS.
GOD MADE YOU. How can you not need him?
That's like saying you don't need your parents.
And God is our heavenly father.
Our life on Earth is but a passing moment compared to our eternal life.
There is no concept of time in heaven.
Wouldn't you regret if you YOLO on Earth to find out that
you plunged into the darkness of Hell?
That's like...People taking drugs. They want euphoria for a short few hours,
they do it for years then destroy their lives because of it.
Worth it? no.
Okay anyone of you wanna argue about religion come find me on Facebook.
I will try my best to answer your questions.
I myself have a lot of questions as well.
HAHAHA. It's nice to discuss.
Everyone has their opinion, and this is mine.
My opinion is that based on personal experience,
God has been very real very caring very loving very patient.
He loved me eventhough I strayed from Him.
In those many nights I went out late I never got robbed or what before.
I guess if you doubt if there's God
you can try going to church and testing the waters.
Ask him to reveal himself.
Oh yeah. Pastor Hock told us HIS story.
He said his mother was a fervent buddhist.
His sister converted to christianity and made his mother very upset.
He vowed to his mother never to become a christian.
He regretted that vow lol.
He told us Justin Bieber was right- never say never.
He went to KL to study and stayed with his sister.
Before coming, he assertively told his sister NOT to bring him to church.
But his sister prayed for him and the youth from her church
started being friends with him while he was still new and lonely in KL.
So he started going to church youth meetings because that was what
his friends were doing. He said he went to church more regular
than most of the youths for that three months.
Because he had a mission.
His mission was to prove christianity wrong.
That didn't happen lol. He said he found out he had nothing to prove.
And then after six months I think, the chance to baptise arose
and he asked his mother. His mother was quite upset
but left the decision to him because she respected that he was turning into an adult.
But he still wanted to test God.
He prayed for his friend to accept God.
After he opened his eyes he saw his friend at the altar
and heard him crying. Apparently, his friend accept Christ
at the very same moment.
Then, he started crying too and his friends was wondering why.
He was crying because God answered his prayers.
And sooo he was ALL IN for God.
Pastor Hock was the sort of person who needed a lot of convincing I guess.
Rational sort of person.
If you are that sort of person then why not.
Go ahead and test until you're satisfied.
Then you make the decision.
Another one is this girl in camp.
On the second day she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to accept God.
I think God did touch her, I think she did cry.
But she needed more convincing.
Well, praise the Lord on the third night she told us
she accepted Christ. :3
I think children/younger kids are more easy to accept things.
Because they have this naive side of them, they don't really need to
SEE to believe like adults does.
That's why the bible teaches us to have "childlike" faith.
Anyway, everyone on Earth has a mission and purpose from God.
the devil of course doesn't want us to do His will so he distracts us with all this thing.
Bombarded with work and entertainment and whatnot.
Everything but religion.
Oh man, how I wish there was a Christian radio playing
hymms and planetshakers and hillsongs and whatnot!
If you are connected with God. God will lead you!
Another testimony Pastor Hock had was back in the days,
he wanted to save money to buy a Palm Pilot.
When he had the money, an opportunity came to go to Cambodia.
The money needed to go to the trip was the same at the Palm Pilot.
He wanted to go but at the same time, tried to reason the having a Palm Pilot
would let him be more organised thus organise youth meetings more.
hehe. I guess God was giving him a test. And sometimes we try to
rational and make compromise in our head to make our will seem right.
But in the end, he obeyed and went on the trip.
Two months later (or something like that HAHAH) there was an online competition
from his bank. He entered it with a cincai attitude.
One day, he opened his email.
He won the third prize which was a Palm Pilot,
exactly what he wanted!
He didn't win first prize the notebook. But third prize,
exactly what he wanted.
So. God does provide if you trust and follow his will.
It is hard, but hey- we're all a work in progress.
We also went to the beach during the camp.
I think I got a little bit more tanned. HHAAH.
But I've never tried sunburn before.
The sort that stings etc.
During the last day of our camp,
one by one we came out to give our opinions on this camp.
All of them said camp was awesome.
And that they would come back next year!
Even those who NEVER came to church.
So imagine what crash course they had.
First time experiencing God in a camp.
Camps always amplify God's presence.
Because you have a group of people wholly intended to seek God.
If in church you already have God's presence so much,
how much more during camp right.
When we spend time overnight with no distractions to seek God.
Camp is like recharging.
Church is normal plug charging la okay.
Camp is like removing the battery and replacing it with a brand new one.
I'm just glad, really glad to be back with God.
I'm glad of those old faces, old faithful who were there all this while.
Lee family, Randhawa family, Victor family, Ng family, etc etc!
Charmaine, Fiona, Browyn etcetc.
And those new ones.
Chloe, Melanie, Derrianne, Aberlyn, Alyssa.
And those who I haven't seen but hope they will be back.
Timothy. Xuan. Louise I think she still goes to church but I seldom see her.
And those who I pray will go.
Ya so basically there's like four groups.
The current one. The new one. The not back yet ones. The yet to come ones.
Oh yeah. Lastly, I commit myself to God because I feel like
God really fulfills me. Believing God and walking with him is like...
yeah, it's like riding a bicycle. It feels natural.
I can't wait to do more each day.
SNAP myself out of laziness please lol.
And I want to remind myself NEVER to keep myself in my corner
and emo emo jiu hao. Any unhappiness, just pray it out.
And I want to be more selfless and loving towards other people,
especially those who I THINK don't deserve it.
The truth is, love shouldn't be about whether you deserve it or not.
I don't deserve Jesus dying on the cross for me, but he did!
Because he loves me,you and all of us so much.
And of course I don't want to stop praying or reading the bible or
worshipping God. And daily say sorry for my sins I've commited throughout the day,
consciously, semi consciously or unconsciously.
Because sin puts a barrier between us and God.
That's why hell is so terrible. Hell is the complete absence of God.
God is everything good. Imagine you don't have anything good.
Yep, it would be terrible.
I also feel kind of... sad... when people don't have a connection with God.
Because it's something amazing and something God wants all of us to have.
We were made to delight and serve God.
Like how we are to delight our parents and serve them.
But, everything has their own timing from God.
But of course. If you have someone you wanna pray for then never stop praying.
I know of stories of people praying for decades for their parents to be saved,
and they keep getting disappointed.
BUT. Just before they pass away, they accept Christ.
Yep. pastor Hock was like that too. Remember his mother the fervent buddhist?
She has passed away, but she accepted Christ ! She had cancer if I'm not wrong.
The thing also is when you're a Christian you'll feel a burden if your family isn't a Christian.
Imagine you reach in heaven but you don't find your family there.
But I believe if you pray for them with all your heart,
God will never forsake you!
And the heavens rejoice when someone is saved.
They say when someone accepts Christ, the heavens rejoice and shout
from one end to another. I bet Jesus would be so happy too!
I remember the first time I said the sinner's prayer and it felt like someone
opened the door and was like oh hello there I've been waiting.
And I felt this outpour of light.
It felt odd at the time.
But absolutely divine!
Yepp I was 12 at that time.
But I think this year, aka 19 years old,
hehe, I really reconnected with God.
AFTER running away from him.
The people at church always say it's like the story of the prodigal son!
This is the story... it's from the Book of Luke chapter fifteen in the bible.
The parable begins with a young man, the younger of two sons, who asks his father to give him his share of the estate. The parable continues by describing how the younger son travels to a distant country and wastes all his money in extravagant living. When a famine strikes, he becomes desperately poor and is forced to take work as a swineherd. When he reaches the point of envying the pigs he is looking after, he finally comes to his senses:
But when he came to himself he said, "How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough to spare, and I'm dying with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will tell him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight. I am no more worthy to be called your son. Make me as one of your hired servants.'"He arose, and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran towards him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.— Luke 15:17-20, World English Bible
The son does not even have time to finish his rehearsed speech, since the father calls for his servants to dress him in a fine robe, a ring, and sandals, and slaughter the "fattened calf" for a celebratory meal. The older son, who was at work in the fields, hears the sound of celebration, and is told about the return of his younger brother. He is not impressed, and becomes angry:
But he answered his father, "Behold, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed a commandment of yours, but you never gave me a goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this, your son, came, who has devoured your living with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him."— Luke 15:29-30, World English Bible
The parable concludes with the father explaining that because the younger son had returned, in a sense, from the dead, celebration was necessary:
"But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for this, your brother, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found."— Luke 15:32, World English Bible
I guess experiencing this in a sense makes me understand
people who have backslid from church because I've been there.
BUT HEY. Of course I'm glad to be back. HAHAHHA.
And another thing too is realizing that God and church and whatnot never
did forsake me eventhough I did abandon them.
When I was broken and lost they were the ones who knew how to help and comfort me.
A lot of people didn't understand the whole hallucinating episode, but they did.
Now I'm well, of course I have to help and comfort and love
other people as they did to me, as God did to me.
Yeah yeah okay my blogpost is turning into a mini sermon/testimony. HAHAHA.
But that's not a bad thing :P
Read this if you need a refreshment prologue.
So, that's it for this post!
Glad I went to camp.
Coming up there's xmas dinner and xmas choir and xmas carol
and sunrise service and planetshakers. WOOO ^^
AND OKAY. Do assignments.
Goodnight everyone. Thanks for reading! :)